Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: First

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's FCE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

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Writing Class: Formal Letter

Task Type: Letter of Application

Question
You have seen the following job advertisement in your local youth centre.

ACTIVITY CO-ORDINATOR WANTED!
(Weekends only)
  • Would you like to work with young children aged 5-11?
  • Do you have lots of energy?
  • Are you an excellent swimmer?
If the answer to these questions is 'yes' then we want to hear from you. Our Children's Club is looking for someone to be in charge of a group of 10 children to teach them swimming and to do a range of other activities. Please send a letter to Mrs Sykes saying why you are suitable for the job.

Write your letter of application to Mrs Sykes (around 140-190 words).

Makeover: Paula

Read Paula's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Mrs Sykes,

I am interest WF in your advertisement showed WW in the local youth centre and I would like to apply for the post of Activities Co-ordinator.

I am 18 years of age and I am used to working with children because I babysit my neighbor's sons regulary S . I train in the gym twice a week and I often go hiking to the countryside with my friends. In addition to this, I have a lifesaving certificate and have enjoyed swimming since I was a child. Gd

My reason for applying for this position is that I am keen on combining my experience in swimming with my wide knowledge of the countryside which I think it - will be interesting for the children.

I would be available to attend an interview on any day at your earliest convenience. Gd

Yours sincerely.

PAULA M. SIBILIN

Feedback

This is a good letter, which matches the points in the job description. There are a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes, but on the whole the sentence structure and register is very good. One thing to consider in similar tasks is the word length as this is slightly below the minimum 140 words.

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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