See this sample Letter of Application from the Cambridge English First (FCE) Writing paper with feedback from a teacher

Writing Class: Formal Letter

Task Type: Letter of Application

Question
You are reading an English language magazine and you see details of a language school that you are interested in.

LEARN ENGLISH AT YOUR OWN PACE! If you would like to study English on a course that has been specially designed to meet your needs and interests, then contact the Principal of the Effective Learning School giving details of your:

Motivation for studying English; length of time studying English; strengths and weaknesses in the language
Preferred start date and length of course
Hobbies and interests

Write your letter to the Principal of the school. (around 140-190 words).

Makeover: Alejandra

Read Alejandra's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Sir,

I am writing with regard to your advertisement in the Sunday's PE edition of Glamour, in which you offer an English course that meets my own expectations. I am interested in a twelve-month intensive English course, four or five hours per week if possible. Gd

I am 18 and have been studying English for ten years, which implies my level is high. However, I am sure I need to improve lots of things. Despite the fact I am quite good at grammar and use of English, I must admit I have difficulties in phrasal verbs and listening exercises. Apart from this, I would also like to improve my level of comprehension and vocabulary, through dynamic exercises which help me remember new words. Gd

I am very interested in languages, and my favourite hobbies are reading, writing, and studying English as well as Italian. I consider all these activities are worthwhile since they make you develop your intellectual skills. Besides /\ , I enjoy doing different activities every day in order to take advantage of the experience I may gain and the things I can learn.

As I am not quite busy next week, PE I would prefer to start on Monday, and would appreciate a reply at your earliest convenience. Gd

Yours faithfully,

Alejandra de Picciotto

Feedback

Alejandra, this is an excellent answer. You address all of the points in the task clearly and precisely, and your letter is organised appropriately. I also really like the way that you start and end your letter. This would leave the reader with an entirely positive impression.
Apart from a couple of minor errors, your control of language is extremely good.

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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