See this sample Informal Email/Letter from the Cambridge English First (FCE) Writing paper with feedback from a teacher

Writing Class: Informal Email/Letter

Task Type: Informal Email/Letter

Question
You have received the following email from your English penfriend:

I'm really pleased you're planning to come to England to study. Let me know what type of course you're interested in and I'll ring some colleges for details. The more information you can give me the better!

Write your email/letter of reply to your penfriend (around 140-190 words).

Makeover: Stefano

Read Stefano's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Mark

as C I told you in my last letter I had begun WT an English course three months ago and by now I have had a good result but I think it would be better for me coming WF to England to have an advanced course of about three weeks for definitely improve PE my English pronunciation and vocabulary.

I'd really prefer a morning course. Gd This is because in the afternoons i want to have enough free time to spend with you.

Secondly, I also need an - accommodation during my stay in York preferably in a host family that will help me to speak English in the everyday life PE .

But it would be great if I can stay with you and your falt mates S as you wrote me - in your last letter.

Thirdly, I need to ask you two more questions.

First, have you got any idea of how much I have to WT pay for the course?

Second, do you think it is possible to get a part time job for about three or four days a week?

I thank you in advance for your help and let me know first R about the fee and the accomodation.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,

Stefano

Feedback

This is a good letter, Stefano. In it you give a description of the type of course you are looking for and the location, as well as clearly stating your accommodation needs. (Your friend would have enough information from this letter to be able to help you.)
The letter is well organised but you should have no more than three or four paragraphs. There is no need to start a new line for each sentence. The beginning and ending of the letter is appropriate and the tone of the letter is very polite - good!
In terms of language accuracy, the main problem appears to be spelling (or typing) errors. Make sure you get into the habit of proofreading your work carefully, both in the classroom and in the exam. Apart from that you seem to show good language control and have a nice turn of phrase.

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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Cambridge English: First