Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: First

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's FCE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

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Writing Class: Article

Task Type: Article

Question
You have seen the following announcement in an international magazine for 16-25 year olds:

'Young people are spending more time each day on their computers than watching television. Is this a change for the better?'

We are interested in your views on this topic. You can contribute to the debate by sending us a short article with your opinion.

Write your article for the magazine (around 140-190 words).

Makeover: Irina

Read Irina's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Before addressing the question of what is better for young people, I would like to remind PE that both activities (spending time on a computer and watching television) are harmful for children's/teen's health. Gd

At the other side WW it's impossible to imagine our life without computers and television.

With the help of computers young people can meet new friends, find out a lot of information, /\ take part in forums and discussions. Surfing the Internet needs imagination, logical thinking and knowledge. Young people are able to choose what they want to watch/read/listen to, and the choice is practically unlimited.

Television can't give such an opportunity.

Precisely here is found the crux of the problem. T There are plenty of free sites with content far from morality; WF many computer games impose WW cruelty. And the idea that, /\ spending time in Internet's chats WF young people develop their social skills, is problematic. I wish it would be so! PE But getting used to the Internet's rules of communication, they might find it difficult to face up to reality and make friends in the real world.

For my part, I spend a lot of time on my computer (learning English and working). But when I want to relax I'd rather watch TV with my friends than loiter away WW time sitting alone in front of the computer!

Feedback

This is a really interesting essay, Irina. I enjoyed reading your views on the internet and the effect it is having on young people. You are ambitious in your choice of vocabulary and grammatical structures, which is very good for an examiner to see at this level (FCE). Just occasionally, your expression misses the mark but the changes I have made are relatively minor. Be careful not to miss out the final 'and' when you are listing points.

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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