An example student 'Review' for the CAE (Cambridge English Advanced) exam with feedback from a teacher

Writing Class: Review

Task Type: Review

Question
You have seen the following announcement in your local arts magazine:

PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

What has been the best performance this year in your local area? It could be a concert or a stage play, or perhaps an art or craft exhibition. You can make your nomination by sending us a review of what you have seen, telling us why you think it was the most outstanding performance of the year...

Write your review for the magazine readers. (Between 220-260 words)

Makeover: Uti

Read Uti's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

This report is intended to give you my personal view on what has been the best performance of the year in my local area, which is Berlin. T As the capital city of Germany, Berlin has not only become a melting pot and a place where start ups spring up like flowers but also a place with lots of opportunities to go to readings, operas, musical and variety shows. Therefore, the decision was not easy. However, after a moment's hesitation, I settled for the musical 'Ich war noch niemals in New York' (I have never been to New York), played WW at the Theater des Westens.

The story of the musical is about T a famous TV presenter who strives for a successful career. She has a trusted gay friend but no boyfriend. She believes she can succeed and be happy without a man in her live WF Meanwhile her mother, whom she hardly ever sees, lives in an old people's home. Live WF for her is restricted in many ways. At one point she and her friend go to a travel agency and book a cruise to New York. Cheerful WF she asked WT the travel agent to sent WF the invoice to her well-known daughter. From then on the story unfolds, having many twists and turns. In the end the mother marries her friend in New York whereas the daughter, who has head over heels fallen WO in love, realises that a trusting and loving relationship can make her much more happy than an award won ever could.

I consider the musical the best performance of the year because of the cast's outstanding performance of the touching story, staring a brilliantly acting PE Anna Wundermann. The music of the musical only consists of songs written by the late Udo Jürgens. If you are a fan of his music this musical is a must. If you generally enjoy music and a jolly evening out, this is the performance to go to. But don't forget your tissues. You are going to need them!

Feedback

Content
The task was completed fully and appropriately.

Communicative Achievement
Ideas are communicated clearly and the review is written in an authentic style, in general using a neutral register throughout. The reader would be fully informed and the review would be considered for publication.

Organisation
The review is very well organised. Paragraphs are clear and cohesive devices are used effectively, particularly the uses of relative clauses to link items together. Discourse markers have also been used correcly, such as:

not only ... but also
Meanwhile/At one point/From then on/In the end

Language
An excellent range of everyday and more advanced vocabulary is used. A very good range of simple and more advanced grammatical forms are used. Errors are present but do not impede communication. 

Well done!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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Cambridge English: Advanced