Cambridge English: Advanced
Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Writing Class: Essay
Task Type: Essay
Question
You class has watched a documentary about the need for nations to fund space exploration. You have made the notes below:
Advantages of spending public money on space exploration:
Some opinions expressed in the documentary:
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Write an essay discussing TWO of the advantages given for space exploration in your notes You should explain which reason is most important, giving reasons in support of your answer.
You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the documentary, but you should use your own words as far as possible. (around 220-260 words)
Makeover: Elena
Read Elena's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
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Funding the space exploration and its priorities T
For many years, people had a dream about space voyages. Such significant events as the first human space flight, /\ Nowadays, the International Space Station has become the main platform for scientific discoveries and the science lab where scientists from many countries do their collaborative work. It is not only the celestial bodies that are being observed by an international body of scientists but also experiments. For many scientists the only place where exact results could be achieved is this space laboratory. Without a doubt, this is the question WW One of the greatest advantages of the International Space Station is that it accepts space tourists. A few space travelers have already been there. This fact draws our attention to another benefit of space exploration. It is the strong possibility of life in space, which we have seen before in science fiction movies, where people did interstellar trips taking space crafts like we take trains, buses or taxis. While it is true that people need more space for living, we shouldn’t forget that the main problem is unequal density of population on our planet. Some regions are very overcrowded whereas the - Having weighted WF |
Feedback
Content
The task was completed fully and everything is relevant. However, I would be careful about going too far over the word limit. 20, 30, 40 words is no problem but at 365 words this was 100 words over. Examiners wouldn’t necessarily penalise this but one of the things you’re being assessed on is being able to organise your thoughts in such a way that you are able to keep to the word limit, more or less. Also, writing such a long answer takes more valuable time, with the result that you have less time for the second task and to check your work at the end.
Communicative Achievement
Ideas are communicated clearly and in an engaging, semi-formal register. The essay was written in an authentic style and the reader would be fully engaged.
Organisation
The essay is very well organised. Paragraphs are clear and cohesive devices are used effectively.
Language
A good range of everyday and more advanced vocabulary is used. A range of simple and occasionally more advanced grammatical forms are used. There are some very well-construcrted sentences. Errors are present but do not impede communication.
Try to pay attention to your use of articles (a/the/-).
Well done!
Marking Code
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word
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