Cambridge English: Advanced
Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Writing Class: Essay
Task Type: Essay
Question
Your class has had a discussion about the importance of the Internet in our lives. You have made the notes below:
Reasons why the Internet has become so important:
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
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Write an essay discussing TWO of the reasons given for the importance of the Internet. You should explain which reason is most important, giving reasons in support of your answer.
You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible. (around 220-260 words)
Makeover: Uti
Read Uti's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
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Who could ever have imagined 20 years ago that almost every adult person in the
developed world has WT
Naturally, the consequences for society are profound. I believe, (P) the biggest single effect it has had is, (P) that it has become so much easier to get and stay in touch with friends, colleagues and family and follow up on what they are doing. If one has a gadget that can connect to the Internet equipped with a camera and speakers people can use Skype. This program allows them to see each other while talking. Who would ever have thought this feasible! R The changes concerning the Internet has WF Another example that showcases the importance of the Internet is how easy it has become to study at home rather than going to libraries or sitting in classes. Material on the Internet is easily accessible, though sometimes there is just too much material available and it is rather difficult to find what you are looking for. With the use of the Internet students have much more flexibility in terms of their time management. No matter where they are and when they find the time; all they need is Internet access. |
Feedback
Content
All content is relevant to the task. A very good essay Uti. You’ve dealt with two of the points listed, namely the importance with regards social contact and studying. You have also stated which one is the more important.
Communicative Achievement
You have written the piece in the format of an essay and used an appropriate academic style. This would have a very positive impression on the reader, who would be fully informed.
Organisation
The essay is very clearly and logically organised, with clear paragraphing. Discourse markers are used effectively, for example 'in particular' and 'in general', 'naturally', 'what's more' and 'for instance'. Using pronouns like 'this' in the first pararaph enable you to link back to something you've written previously.
Language
A very good piece of writing. You have shown your ability to use grammatical structures and vocabulary to express simple and more complex ideas effectively. The tense corrections in the first paragraph are to do with what’s called ‘future in the past’ - when you describe a future situation when the time frame is in the past. If you were making this prediction in 'real time' you would say:
… the developed world will have a device that enables them to connect to people …
To express the same thing but as stated in the past we put the verbs in the past tense.
Well done!
Marking Code
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word