Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

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Writing Class: Review

Task Type: Review

Question
You have seen the following announcement in your local arts magazine:

PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR
What has been the best performance of the year in your local area? It could be a concert or a stage play, or perhaps an art or craft exhibition. You can make your nomination by sending us a review of what you have seen, telling us why you think it was the most outstanding performance of the year...

Write your review for the magazine editor. (220-260 words)

Makeover: Jiyeon Choi

Read Jiyeon Choi's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

At the last moment of this year, I recall my memory of those performances of the year. It is surprising that there were numbers of WF events in my local area, which I was neglecting WT to take part in. Although I failed to make an effort to visit the events, I particularly liked the art exhibition that was on /\ the central library.

The title of the exhibition was 'Local Amateur artist'. As the title is, WW it wasn't professional but local people's crafts or some amateurs' over due WW exhibition.

I liked the atmosphere of the exhibition that was close to public, PE which was different from so-called novelty exhibitions. It was opened to normal WW people who didn't have much chance to experience artists' works or even who doesn't WF know how to draw or paint.

I found out they were various PE from simple pencil drawings to heavy oil paintings. Any kinds of arts were exhibited unless it was too childish to call it art. Consequently, this event provided us with closer environment of the art. PE That was a common feeling with others who could share their feeling of the arts by exposing WW their own art works.

They were imaginative or rather creative without any - imitating previous artists work, which was very pleasant to look around, even more surprising and fresh so that I could amuse myself with WW looking at the creative crafts.

Although the exhibition hadn't been WW for a long time as it was taking one corner of the library, it might have helped anyone get interested in art, feel it and understand it.

Feedback

This was an interesting review of an arts and crafts exhibition. You clearly state the theme of the exhibition - good - and give a number of reasons why you enjoyed it.
In terms of organisation you could group some of these shorter paragraphs to make longer ones. Your language accuracy is quite good, but on occasions your expression is a bit vague and I wasn't always sure what you meant, so forgive me if I 'got it wrong' with my suggestions!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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