Cambridge English: Advanced
Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Writing Class: Proposal
Task Type: Proposal
Question
You are a member of a committee that is campaigning for an international sports competition to be hosted in your home town. You have received the following memo:
| To: Committee members From: Chairman I would be grateful if all members could write a short proposal giving their views on the following points:
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Write your proposal for the Chairman of the committee. (220-260 words)
Makeover: Mirei
Read Mirei's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
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International Swimming Competition Please find my proposal as follows /\ 1) Reasons why our town, Nihonbashi, would be suitable for the competition Location As our town is located in the centre of Tokyo, all the participants are able to come to our town easily by limousine bus. (Direct bus service from the airport to the Tokyo City Air Terminal) Swimming pool We have an excellent indoor swimming pool which have WF 2) Any objections to our campaign and how to overcome them Objection As this competition is one of the big international festivals to deepen mutual relationship, about 500 participants, most of them from English-speaking countries, are expected to visit our town. Therefore we have to arrange about 100 interpreters immediately. Solution We will put an advertisement on both our homepage and our local newspaper to recruit interpreters from the beginning of the - 3) Suggestions as to how we can make the best use of our budget Sightseeing After the competition, we will arrange sightseeing tours for all the participants, chartering /\ Accommodation We will prepare rooms at /\ I hope that /\ |
Feedback
Content
You have provided a full and very thoughtful response to the task, stating why the town would be a suitable host, listed possible objections and solutions and offered suggestions as to how to make the best use of the budget. The reader would be fully informed.
Communicative Achievement
The style/tone of this proposal is just right, and you strive to achieve a formal register for this proposal. The reader would be fully engaged throughout.
Organisation
This proposal is organised in a very appropriate way, with good use of headings and subheadings, which demonstrate clearly that you have answered each of the points in the task. Good use of cohesive devices such as using pronouns to refer back to nouns ('It is reported'. 'most of them') and relative clauses.
Language
In terms of your use of English, this is a well-written proposal. You have used both vocabulary and grammatical structures to express your views effectively. Language errors are generally mimimal (articles, spelling, etc.) but note the useful expression 'in response to' and the structure 'reported to be'
Well done!
Marking Code
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word