Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

  1. Home
  2. CAE
  3. Writing Class
  4. Makeovers
  5. Report

Writing Class: Report

Task Type: Report

Question
You have been asked to write a report for the World Information Organisation on the following topic:

What are the greatest threats to the environment in your country today?
What are the solutions?

Write your report. (220-260 words)

Makeover: Asia

Read Asia's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Threats to the environment in Poland

Introduction

The aim of this report is to describe the greatest dangers for the natural environment in Poland.

Water

One of the biggest sources of water pollution are fertilisers. Most of it with rain water floats from fields into rivers and further on into the Baltic Sea. Fertilisers are causing the overgrow WF of seaweed, which leads to lack of oxygen in the sea and /\ extinction of a number of water species.

A solution to this problem could be the reduction of field manure and better agricultural education for farmers.

Air

Slask is a region of Poland of WF the poorest air quality. /\ High concentration of ashes and sulphur dioxide from factories is causing acid rains WF , which damage soil and all species of plants.

The solution, which is the installation of filters reducing the emission of harmful substances into /\ air, does not solve the problem. This is because of the fact that Slask is placed in one of the most industrialised regions of Europe and of strong winds that occur there and bring pollution from other countries and otherwise. PE

Conclusion

These are only /\ few of the dangers for the environment in Poland. Many actions to solve this problem has already been taken WF but this WW is obvious that they will not have any bigger WW effect, unless the governments and average citizens cooperate.

Feedback

This was getting to be a really interesting essay when it suddenly finished! You are about 30 words short of the word limit of 250 words you should be aiming for, so you have room to add a couple of sentences to round this off. I would have liked to know more about the role the government AND individuals could play in solving environmental problems.
In terms of language, you are successful in achieving a formal, academic style that is just right for this type of writing task. You are also well-informed on the topic, which is why I was enjoying it so much! The layout and organisation are also appropriate.
All in all, this was interesting to read. Just remember in the exam to make the most of the number of words you're allowed to write.

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

CAE Info and Practice

CAE Home About CAE Spotlight Paper 1 CAE Writing Class Practice Tests Word Bank CAE Community Student Newsletter

CAE Resources to Buy

CAE Exam Success Plus CAE Writing Correction Other Publishers