Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

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Writing Class: Formal Letter

Task Type: Letter of Application

Question
A restaurant in your region is to open shortly and the owner has placed the following advertisement in your local newspaper:

RESTAURANT STAFF NEEDED...
...For a busy restaurant located in the main tourist area of this region. We have a number of vacancies available, including:
Junior Chef
Waiter/Waitress
Restaurant Manager
Hours of work: 6 - 12pm, Mondays to Saturdays.
Please send us a letter explaining which post you are interested in and why we should consider you for the job. Interviews will be held a week after the closing date.

Write the letter of application (Between 220 and 260 words)

Makeover: Olga

Read Olga's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Sir or Madam

I am writing with reference to your advertisement for the position of a Restaurant Manager, which was placed in The Guardian on 10 December. Gd

My reason for being interested in this vacancy is that according to what is said by the executives of the companies I worked for (please find enclosed their letters of reference), I am particularly efficient /\ being involved in projects requiring a great deal of physical and mental energy and also creativity. Your restaurant would benefit from these personal qualities of mine brought into play. T PE

I am sure that I would be successful in this post as I have now gained the - managerial experience having had work as a Senior Manager for the "Little Chef Restaurant" for 10 years. At present I work for the restaurant mentioned above, where my responsibilities comprise dealing with suppliers and corporate clients, recruiting employees and checking /\ financial statements of affiliated companies.

My academic background (a Masters Degree in Tourism & Hospitality) would also prove valuable to you.

Please could you send me an application form and any other relevant details including those of payment, WW working hours, health scheme and social facilities? PE

I am able to attend an interview on any day from 11 a. m. Should you need any further information, do not hesitate to contact me on 222333222 from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. or /\ olga_mail_2000@yahoo.com.

Yours faithfully,

Olga Smith.

Feedback

This is a well-organised letter of application which shows good attention to achieving an appropriately formal register (e.g. 'I am writing with reference to...'; 'Should you need any further information...' etc). You include all of the necessary information for this type of letter.
For the makeover, there wasn't a great deal for me to correct. I have made a (small) number of suggestions that would make your letter sound very natural, but these are mostly quite minor quibbles!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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