Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

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Writing Class: Essay

Task Type: Essay

Question
Your class has had a discussion about the negative effects of globalisation on local culture. You have made the notes below:

Effects of globalisation:

  • the dominance of the western music/film industry.
  • the loss of national identity.
  • the undermining of values of a local culture.

Some opinions expressed in the discussion:

  • We don't want to see the same culture wherever we travel.
  • People are free to enjoy whichever music, films or fashion they wish.
  • Young people are losing the sense of values their parents had.

Write an essay discussing TWO of the effects listed in your notes. You should explain which effect is more important, giving reasons in support of your answer.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible. (around 220-260 words)

Makeover: Elena

Read Elena's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

It goes without saying that the process of globalization has WT a dramatic impact on all areas of human activity. Politics, economy and culture in many countries are under the influence of such an attractive idea as the idea of the consolidation of many nations. However, despite its evident benefits, globalization has downsides, which draw WT the attention of many people in different countries.

Let's R focus on such an important part of mass culture as /\ movie industry. It is universally acknowledged, that the Hollywood movies are domineering in T/WF the film market. Being in the top-list of internationally recognized movies, they have enormous box-office takings. My country is not an T/WW exception. Despite the fact that during the last 10 years quite a few motion pictures of a high quality were released, the great majority of people in Russia are in a great deal WW unaware not only of the modern trends of film art in our country but /\ in other European countries.

Paying tribute to the best American movies which emphasize universal values, it wouldn't come R/WW amiss to mention the not so good ones. After watching these films we have, so called side effect WF such as undermining /\ values of local culture and traditions. It is happening because the messages of these films do not come across properly T/WW Therefore, instead of the ideas about the value of every individual, freedom of choice and love between people, we have these conceptions substituted by aggression, permissiveness and disobedience to seniors.

Nevertheless, I am not willing to be so pessimistic, thatWW is why I totally believe in the wisdom and common sense of people throughout the world. Only understanding that consolidation does not mean sameness but, actually, it should be based on the value of the unity of various cultures, that is what can help people to tackle this problem. SS

Feedback

This is generally a good essay Elena. You have focussed on two of the points listed and given a full and thoughtful answer to the question. Your organisation is also clear with good use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. There are lots of examples of good choices of vocabulary and advanced use of English. Overall, your ideas are communicated very clearly and in an engaging, semi-formal register. The reader would be fully informed.
Well done!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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