Cambridge English: Proficiency
Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Writing Class: Review
Task Type: Review
Question
A magazine that you subscribe to is interested in reader reviews based on the following topic:
| "What websites could you not live without?" |
Write a detailed review of two or three websites that you use on a regular basis. You should explain the reasons why you visit the websites and comment on what you like (and dislike) about them.
Write the review for the magazine editor. (around 280 - 320 words)
Makeover: Irina
Read Irina's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
|
Time management is one of my priorities. Sometimes I have to try hard to save time for a quiet evening with a good book. I don’t like traditional shopping very much, for me it’s generally a waste of time and a fight with vendors who try to impose something on you. Thank goodness we have such life-hack websites as Ozon.ru and Bonprix. “Ozon” used to be an Internet bookstore, but now it’s more of a mega mall where you can buy almost everything WW Bonprix is the website for clothes shopping. Some might consider buying clothes online too strange, but I can assure (/\) WM Both the websites provide a delivery to a PickPoint postal machine. Those machines are everywhere, and you can collect your order when convenient. So, I would encourage everyone to use those two websites. |
Feedback
Content
You have provided a full and very thoughtful response to the task. You have outlined your views of the benefits of these two websites, explaining why you use them and what you like about them. The reader would be fully informed of your opinions.
Communicative Achievement
A good command of the conventions of a review of this kind is demonstrated. Ideas are communicated clearly. The style adopted is suitably neutral. You could have considered using more in the way of contractions to create an informal tone, but this is a matter of choice rather than a problem.
Organisation
The review is a well organised, coherent whole, using a range of cohesive devices and organisational patterns. Paragraphs are used effectively. Relative clauses are used well to link ideas and interest is maintained by using a variety of sentence lengths.
Language
You've used a range of vocabulary appropriately and simple and more complex grammatical forms with a good degree of control. Very few errors, which do not impede communication.
Most of these are vocabulary-based. Note the following:
- I think the present perfect is better in
I myself have never tried to do so though, I’ve never had to.
because you are really talking about time up until now. You’re still using the sites so the meaning is really ‘so far’.
Marking Code
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word