Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Proficiency

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Essay


Task Type: Essay

Question
Read the two texts below.
Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible and include your own ideas in your answers.

Tackling Traffic Congestion
Policy-makers employ a wide range of measures to tackle the problem of traffic congestion. Enforcement schemes such as setting strict speed limits on major roads and the use of congestion charges in city centres are two such examples as are vehicle exclusion zones or parking restrictions in busy pedestrian areas. However, it also makes sense to encourage motorists to become less reliant on their car. This can be achieved by making public transport more efficient and promoting the benefits of car-sharing with work colleagues, thus reducing weekly fuel bills. And the increasing number of cycle lanes on many roads is further evidence of how to win the hearts and minds of motorists in the fight against congestion.
The Joy of Motoring
Recent research into the attitudes of motorists shows we are still more than happy to get behind the wheel. Despite rising fuel costs, insurance premiums and frequent traffic jams, 9 out of 10 of us still enjoy driving. Whether it’s visiting friends and relations, taking the family for a day out or even commuting to work, the car remains first choice for many people. Experts argue that unlike public transport, the car leaves us in charge of our own destiny, giving us the freedom to travel when and where we want. The car also gives us the opportunity to express ourselves. The kind of vehicle we drive tells the world something about who we are or what we aspire to be. Cars are not simply a means of transport but also something we wear.

Write the essay. (around 240 - 280 words)

Makeover: Kate

Read Kate's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Cars are one of the most popular means of transport nowadays. They are used everywhere in the world by people of different income, age, social status and occupation. This essay deals with the question of driving a car, summarizing and evaluating the ideas expressed in the texts above.

Both texts speak about T, WW personal transport, but they analyze the question from different angles. The first passage rises WF the problem of traffic congestion and names WW two possible ways to solve it: restrictions on speed limits and parking on the one hand, and promoting alternative means of transport on the other. The ideas expressed in the text are certainly true for large cities where traffic jams are one of the biggest concerns. However, the situation in small towns and rural areas is totally different: the problem of congestion does not exist there and thus does not need to be solved.

Unlike the first text, the second one looks on WW the positive side of driving. Calling driving a WW most popular means of transport and providing statistics to prove it, the text gives the reason for cars popularity WO According to the passage, having a personal vehicle gives people a (-) freedom of choice and a way to express themselves – things which outweigh all the disadvantages like /\ high cost and traffic inconveniences. It is hard to argue that driving a car is popular, but I believe that its popularity is rather due to comfort than to human psychology.

To sum it - up, having a car has both positive and negative sides, but currently there are more advantages than disadvantages, which explains the number of cars in the streets WW

Feedback

This is a very good response to the task and a good piece of academic writing. You’ve summarised the texts accurately and done so using your own words. The latter is very important as candidates aren’t awarded marks for chunks of text taken from the question. You’ve also offered ideas of your own and organised the whole piece clearly. Very few errors - this would have a positive effect on the reader.
Well done!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word