Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Proficiency

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Article


Task Type: Article

Question
You are looking through the alumni newsletter of a school that you once attended and you see the following announcement:

What are your best and worst school memories? Write in and tell us and we will publish the most interesting articles in our next newsletter.

Write the article for the editor of the alumni newsletter. (around 280 - 320 words)

Makeover: Kyung

Read Kyung's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

My best and worst school memories

It is not a closely-guarded secret, but school was more about suffering than joy for me. But when I have to recall my best and worst experience in school, there are two events, which left a significant imprint on me. Gd

The most intensive experience I made WW was at the age of ten. Being forced to enter grammar school that early, I painfully realised that everyone in school was highly competitive. Marks were made public, and everyone feared to be under WW the average of the class. My intrinsic motivation changed to fear-driven motivation. One day we got a new biology teacher, his favourite method was to choose someone to repeat the content of the whole last lesson. It was the first time I didn’t prepare myself. PE Nervously, I was desperately hoping not to be chosen, but unfortunately, he took WW me, and I was stuttering and bathed in sweat not knowing what to say. Finally, feeling so much worry and madness WW inside of me, I just fainted.

My best memory is of the time when we had a soccer match against another school outside our hometown. We were all full of tension and willing WW to win the game. Although everyone was exhausted from the long coach drive and the overnight stay in a modest youth hostel, where we had to sleep on thin mattresses, we managed to pull ourselves together and played the most excellent game ever. In the last three minutes of the game, I was the one who did WW the winning goal for our team. It brought me a lot of honour and respect from other classmates.

There are many memories I have stored in mind, but those two are the most valuable events of my school career.

Feedback

A very full and thoughtful answer to the question. You have provided an interesting account of your best and worst memories. You've also included a title, which is good practice with an article. You've written this in an engaging style and the audience would enjoy reading it. It is organised clearly and with a logical progression. Paragraphs are used effectively and linking words and discourse markers help the reader follow your train of thought.
In terms of use of English, this is a very well-written article, Kyung. Good use of language to create an engaging piece of writing and which has enabled you to express simple and more complex ideas. Make a note of the corrections above, of course, most of which are vocabulary-based.

Well done!

Get Feedback on your writing

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word