Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Proficiency

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Formal Letter


Task Type: Formal Letter

Question
You have asked your line manager at work for permission for time off to attend a week-long training course. Your line manager is supportive, but has asked you to make a formal request in writing to be sent to the senior manager for official authorisation.

Write the letter to the senior manager, requesting authorisation for you to attend the course. (around 280 - 320 words)

Makeover: Taisa

Read Taisa's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Mr. Brendan,

I am writing to request your authorisation to attend a 5 day seminar on *effective ways of improving written communication* *within the Health Insurance Sector* as instructed by my team leader Mrs. Murray. It will take place during the last week of next month, from 26th to 30th of June at the Olympia Convention Centre and its WW fee is EUR 200.

The seminar entails WW strategies to enhance clarity and avoid miscommunication, not only between company and clients but also between departments. The approach takes into consideration the worldwide background of clients P which is very relevant to the focus of our company.

After working for over 3 years in the operations team and having participated of WW various cross departments WF meetings, I have noticed that communication issues are still at the core of the delay in resolving client’s problems promptly. Therefore, I strongly believe that attending this course will boost my confidence at work as it will provide me with extra tools to understand and tackle this issue.

Upon completion of this seminar, I would be happy to devise a short course for my fellow colleagues based on the most important points learned from it P which I strongly believe that - will benefit our department and as a result maximise even more our client retention number WW

That said, I am aware that my colleagues will be under extra pressure to cope with our additional work load while I attend the seminar. Despite that, I still think that it will be worthwhile to WW the company and me on WW the long term.

I would highly appreciate your approval and look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Kind regards,

Taísa *****

Officer at Operations Team

Feedback

The letter is entirely relevant and you’ve dealt with the task appropriately. You were asked to request authorisation for a training event from your line manager, and you have done this fully. The piece is written in the format of a semi-formal letter and the level of formality you have adopted is just right. Your line manager would be fully informed and due to the persuasive language used, would likely look favourably on your request. The letter is organised logically with an introduction, main body paragraphs and a closing remark. Very good use of linking words and other cohesive devices. You you have used some complex grammatical forms and sentence structures and a range of everyday vocabulary including some advanced words and expressions. One thing to bear in mind - remember to use a comma before the relative pronoun IF the clause is a non-defining relative clause.

Well done!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word