Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Proficiency

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Report


Task Type: Report

Question
Your local community group is interested in the views that local people hold about crime in your area. You have been asked to write a report for the chairman of the community group. You should address the following points:

What crimes are the most worrying for young people?
What steps can be taken to make young people feel less afraid?

Write your report for the chairman. (around 280 - 320 words)

Makeover: Kate

Read Kate's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Maryland Heights Crime Situation

As requested, this is a report about crime rates in Maryland Heights and young people's attitude to the problem. 200 young people aged 18-25 were asked to share their opinion on the current crime situation. The results of the survey are presented below together with recommendations on how to solve existing problems.

Mugging and assault

Physical violence is the most frequent crime being committed in the area. 20% of those questioned reported having been either assaulted or mugged. Young people complain of certain areas to be WF particularly dangerous due to the absence of proper lighting and reliable security. Therefore, it is advised that additional street lamps and surveillance cameras should be installed and police patrolling the streets should be organized.

Drug dealing and gangs

Another problem that the community is facing is that of drug dealing. It is rooted most likely in the gang activity in the town. The members of the gang choose their targets among schoolchildren and students – 10% of the latter confirmed either being offered drugs or having seen others being offered (/\) WM To stop it, we suggest monitoring the gang more closely and making arrests whenever drug dealing is suspected to take WF place. Besides (/\) WM creating comfortable conditions for people to be able to report drug dealing safely and anonymously could also help in eradicating the danger.

Conclusion

The survey showed that on the whole young people are reluctant to consider the area safe, which means that high crime rates and their causes should be investigated further for more sufficient details. Meanwhile, (/\) WM safety measures suggested above could be implemented to change the situation for the better as quickly as possible. We hope that this report will receive your serious consideration and necessary steps will be taken in the near future.

Feedback

A very-well written piece of work, Kate. You have the report format ‘off to a tee’ (meaning perfectly or completely), you’ve answered the question fully and expressed yourself in natural English, using advanced vocabulary and grammar. Well done!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word