Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Your local community group is interested in the views that local people hold about crime in your area. You have been asked to write a report for the chairman of the community group. You should address the following points:
|What crimes are the most worrying for young people?
What steps can be taken to make young people feel less afraid?
Write your report for the chairman. (around 280 - 320 words)
Read Kate's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
Maryland Heights Crime Situation
As requested, this is a report about crime rates in Maryland Heights and young people's attitude to the problem. 200 young people aged 18-25 were asked to share their opinion on the current crime situation. The results of the survey are presented below together with recommendations on how to solve existing problems.
Mugging and assault
Physical violence is the most frequent crime being committed in the area. 20% of those questioned reported having been either assaulted or mugged. Young people complain of certain areas to be WF
Drug dealing and gangs
Another problem that the community is facing is that of drug dealing. It is rooted most likely in the gang activity in the town. The members of the gang choose their targets among schoolchildren and students – 10% of the latter confirmed either being offered drugs or having seen others being offered (/\) WM
The survey showed that on the whole young people are reluctant to consider the area safe, which means that high crime rates and their causes should be investigated further for more sufficient details. Meanwhile, (/\) WM
All content is relevant to the task, which was also answered fully. You have outlined the main crimes and suggested ways of dealing with the problem.
A very good command of the conventions of a report is demonstrated. Ideas are communicated clearly. The style adopted is appropriate for this text type and would have a positive effect on the reader.
The report is a well organised, coherent whole, using a range of cohesive devices such as discourse markers ('together with', 'therefore', meanwhile' etc) and other organisational patterns (relative clauses, pronouns used to refer back to nouns - 'It is rooted'). Paragraphs and headings are used effectively.
A very good use of general and more advanced vocabulary. You have managed to express simple and more complex ideas effectively and quite naturally. A very good range of grammatical forms are used. Note the following:
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
PE Poorly expressed
SS Sentence Structure
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word