An example student 'Report' for the CAE (Cambridge English Advanced) exam with feedback from a teacher

Writing Class: Report

Task Type: Report

Question
An international youth organisation is planning to publish a report looking at attitudes between different generations:

We are very keen to hear how elderly people are regarded by younger people in different countries and why the younger generation feel the way they do about elderly people. Suggestions regarding how positive attitudes can be developed are welcome.

Write the report for the organisation. (Between 220-260 words)

Makeover: Uti

Read Uti's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Introduction

This report is intended to look more closely into how the youngest of our generations in the Eastern part of Germany views WF elderly people and what can be done to adopt friendly attitudes between these generations.

What is live WF like with granddad and grandma? T

I got WW intrigued by the topic and in my capacity as a kinder WW teacher I talked to children aged five and six and asked them how they feel about their grandparents.

Not surprisingly the children's personal experiences differ greatly. Rather unusual is that PE some still live with their grandparents under the same roof. Also an exception rather than the rule is that a few do not know their grandparents. A small number of kids T have their grandparents regularly picking them up from the kinder garden WW and they get the opportunity to spend some time together in the afternoon.

Generally, the toddlers WW are overwhelmed by T, WW positive feelings towards their grandparents. They enjoy spending time with them staying in the playground, singing songs, dancing and watching TV together. I found that all kids enjoyed the time spent in the playground the most.

Conclusion

To further improve the relations between these generations and give those who do not have grandparents the chance to get first-hand experience, I could envisage the following. Firstly, invite pensioners from the old people's home and grandparents to read stories to the kids on a regular basis. Once they know each other better I could even picture a joint little WW trip. At Christmas I could imagine visiting the old people's home with the children to sing Christmas carols for and with the residents of the house.

I strongly believe these measures would be mutually beneficial and are bound to improve relations substantially.

Feedback

Content
The task was completed fully and appropriately. You have outlined attitudes and also suggested ways in which positive attitudes can be further developed.

Communicative Achievement
Ideas are communicated clearly and the report is written in an authentic style, in general using a neutral register but with the occasional use of more informal language suitable for the target audience. The reader would be fully informed and the report would be well-received.

Organisation
The report is very well organised. Paragraphs and section headings are clear and cohesive devices are used effectively.

Language
This is a very well-written answer to the question! You have used simple and more advanced vocabulary and shown excellent control over grammatical structures, creating some very well-formed sentences.

Well done!

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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Cambridge English: Advanced