Question
You have read the following information from a British university, and have decided to apply for a course:

The university welcomes applications to all its courses from overseas students. Please write to the Admissions Officer giving details of the course you wish to apply for and why. Your letter should include an outline of your qualifications and any other relevant information.

Write your letter of application to the Admissions Officer. (about 250 words)

Answer
Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Jolanta P.

CAE Student, Poland

Dear Mr. Admission Officer {1},

I am writing to apply for your two year degree in teaching English at university level. At present I am a teacher of English and of the {***} Computer Science in the primary school here, in Lutynia.

I am keen to improve my English as this is not only my hobby but also a strong need. In addition, I feel half-way to achieve the goal {2} . Ten years ago I was a university teacher of Computer Science and things went great but I lived with my family in the Hotel for Scientist. The present school offered me a flat in a small house surrounded by gardens and a garage for taking the position of a teacher {3}. Up to now, I have specialized in the both subjects. I graduated {***} {4} Technical University of Wroclaw, Department of Foreign Languages and the Academy of Economics, Department of Computer Science with {***} {5} Master {6} degree.

{7}Three yeas ago I was in America where I translated the film makers {8}. I have worked for three years as a Polish teacher for UNESCO. Moreover, I translate a lot {9} for doctors, scientists, computer programmers and travel guides. At present, I am preparing for the CAE exam so that my English is at the advanced level, I guess {10}.

I am particularly interested in completing {***} {11}your university as it is famous all over the word. I you wish Ms.J.Forde can give you the {12} reference.

I hope you will give my application serous consideration and look forward to hearing from you. {***}

Yours faithfully

Jolanta Pietraszko

Feedback

This letter has been organised appropriately. Most of the points made are relevant to the task. For this makeover I have concentrated on the following points:
1. Spelling - there are a number of typing errors. This is natural but it highlights the importance of proofreading work carefully in the exam so you don't lose marks unnecessarily.
2. Articles.
3. Register. These types of letter require a fairly formal register so you need to avoid expressions that might sound too casual to the reader.

Best of luck in the exam!

Fiona Joseph
7.11.00

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Other Answers

Ahmed, Bournville College, Birmingham, England

F.A.O.
The Admission Officer
The University of Birmingham
Bristol Road
Birmingham B29
16 October, 00

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Degree in Marketing

iam writing to apply for your 3 years full time degree in marketing.

Iam very keen to learn about marketing as this will help me to run our business when I finish my degree.

I am 20 years old and studying English at Bournville College. I finished my high school in 1999, and had good mark in maths and science.

To add some information about my English level, I passed the FCE six months ago and I will give the CAE in two weeks time.

My hobbies are readingh and swimming. I worked as shop assistant for 6 month.

Mrs Fay as my tutor will be happy to be as reerence my application.

I am wondering to know if the CAE is axceptable by the University.

I am particulary keen to come to your University as it was recommended to me by a friend who was studying there last year.

If there are something more you want to know, I will be happy to provid you information.

I look forward to hearing from you.

your sincerly

Ahmed Nasari

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Other Answers

Chiara Rabbiosi, British Council - Milan

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you to apply for your 3 years full-time degree in Biotechnology, beginning on 10th Dec. 2000.

The reason why I am interested in this course is that I want to take part in the big debate about genetically modified food as well as clonation, which are so discussed today. As these issues are strictly connected with the future of the whole humanity, I feel deeply involved and I wish to bring my own contribution to this scientific revolution.

I attended a 5 years High School specialised on scientific subjects (Liceo Scientifico) and my final exam (final mark: 98/100) focused on how modified soya crops could help in banning certain deseases in the third world countries. I have no working experience but as my High School plan of studies involved, I had the possibility of taking part to a 4-weeks training session in a chemical factory in Milan. I especially practiced on chemical reactions on vegetable textiles.If you wish to have better information, you can contact Mr Fotnari (tel. 00 39 6457899 - High School teacher) or Mrs Flavi (tel. 00 39 02 5647869 -Students' Responsible at La Roche Factory). They will be glad to help you.

As my level of English concerns, I passed the First Certificate Exam in May '99 (Mark B) and I spent this summer 2 weeks in the United States.

I wish particularly to be accepted by your university as it is widely known for its scientific research department.

So I wish that you can satisfy my request of application and I am looking forward to receiving a positive answer from you followed by all the details and sheets to apply.

Yours faithfully,

Chiara Rabbiosi

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