Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Letter of Application


Task Type: Letter of Application

Question
You have read the following information from a British university, and have decided to apply for a course:

The university welcomes applications to all its courses from overseas students. Please write to the Admissions Officer giving details of the course you wish to apply for and why. Your letter should include an outline of your qualifications and any other relevant information.

Write your letter of application. (Around 220-260 words)

Makeover: Jolanta

Read Jolanta's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Dear Mr. Admission Officer, WW

I am writing to apply for your two year degree in teaching English at university level. At present I am a teacher of English and of the - Computer Science in the primary school here, in Lutynia.

I am keen to improve my English as this is not only my hobby but also a strong need. In addition, I feel half-way to achieve the goal. PE Ten years ago I was a university teacher of Computer Science and things went great but I lived with my family in the Hotel for Scientist. The present school offered me a flat in a small house surrounded by gardens and a garage for taking the position of a teacher.- Up to now, I have specialized in the - both subjects. I graduated /\ Technical University of Wroclaw, Department of Foreign Languages and the Academy of Economics, Department of Computer Science with /\ Master WF degree.

Tip Three yeas ago I was in America where I translated the film makers. /\ I translate a lot R for doctors, scientists, computer programmers and travel guides. At present, I am preparing for the CAE exam so that my English is at the advanced level, I guess. R

I am particularly interested in completing /\ your university as it is famous all over the word. If you wish Ms.J.Forde can give you the WW reference.

I hope you will give my application serous consideration and I look forward to hearing from you. Gd

Yours faithfully

Jolanta Pietraszko

Feedback

This letter has been organised appropriately. Most of the points made are relevant to the task. For this makeover I have concentrated on the following points:
  1. Spelling - there are a number of typing errors. This is natural but it highlights the importance of proofreading work carefully in the exam so you don't lose marks unnecessarily.
  2. Articles.
  3. Register. These types of letter require a fairly formal register so you need to avoid expressions that might sound too casual to the reader.

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word