Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Essay


Task Type: Essay

Question
Your class has had a discussion about the importance of the Internet in our lives. You have made the notes below:

Reasons why the Internet has become so important:

  • the opportunity it offers to buy and sell online.
  • the ease with which we can keep in contact with friends or relations.
  • its use as a study tool.

Some opinions expressed in the discussion:

  • Social media allows me to stay in contact with family members all over the country.
  • You can shop around, read reviews and get good bargains on the web.
  • The Internet offers me an enormous library to help with my studies.

Write an essay discussing TWO of the reasons given for the importance of the Internet. You should explain which reason is most important, giving reasons in support of your answer.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible. (around 220-260 words)

Makeover: Uti

Read Uti's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Who could ever have imagined 20 years ago that almost every adult person in the developed world has WT a device that enables WT them to connect to people around the globe. The invention of the Internet in particular and the technical progress made in general has shaped our lives in many respects and made this possible.

Naturally, the consequences for society are profound. I believe, (P) the biggest single effect it has had is, (P) that it has become so much easier to get and stay in touch with friends, colleagues and family and follow up on what they are doing. If one has a gadget that can connect to the Internet equipped with a camera and speakers people can use Skype. This program allows them to see each other while talking. Who would ever have thought this feasible! R What’s more, through social websites such as Twitter, Facebook and the likes of it PE text message services and email one can reach a much broader audience much faster than before the invention of the Internet. Keeping this in mind, we should not underestimate the risks that go with it. Terrorist groups may just as well WW use these services to spread their messages.

The changes concerning the Internet has WF impacted greatly on us as private individuals. However, business are just as effected. For instance; the German government has introduced a scheme that /\ from January 1, 2016 German courts and lawyers communicate exclusively via a secure email system rather than in the old fashioned way.

Another example that showcases the importance of the Internet is how easy it has become to study at home rather than going to libraries or sitting in classes. Material on the Internet is easily accessible, though sometimes there is just too much material available and it is rather difficult to find what you are looking for. With the use of the Internet students have much more flexibility in terms of their time management. No matter where they are and when they find the time; all they need is Internet access.

Feedback

A very good essay Uti. You’ve dealt with two of the points listed, organised your response clearly and shown an advanced use of English.
The tense corrections in the first paragraph are to do with what’s called ‘future in the past’ - when you describe a future situation when the time frame is in the past. If you were making this prediction in 'real time' you would say:
… the developed world will have a device that enables them to connect to people …
To express the same thing but as stated in the past we put the verbs in the past tense.

Apart from that, well done!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word