Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Report


Task Type: Report

Question
You have been asked to write a report for the World Information Organisation on the following topic:

What are the greatest threats to the environment in your country today?
What are the solutions?

Write your report. (Around 220-260 words)

Makeover: Katja

Read Katja's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

This is a report hold on WW the three greatest threats to the environment in Germany and some suggested solutions to the problems.

The three most important threats to the environment in Germany PE are recycling of waste, especially waste of households WO , pollution in general and the abuse WW of fertilisers, especially by farmers. Recycling of waste in households remains still WO a problem due to people's negligence towards collecting their waste. Old papers and sheets should be collected separately as well as rests of food, which can be stored in the garden, and plastic boxes, such as yoghurt pots, and empty bottles. PE

The population has to behave more sensible WF and the government should demand to collect waste with commencing an environmental campaign. PE

Pollution in general, emphasising on pollution of surroundings, PE is a problem in Germany too. A lot of people throw their waste, such as tissues, on the street - just where they are walking - instead of putting their rubbish in a bin. But a worse point is to leave their used stuff PE in the forest or park when people are going for a walk. A solution of pollution prevention PE is to provide more litter boxes. The last threat is the abuse WW of fertilisers in farming because the population's health can be dangerously affected after having eaten the food. More and more farmers use fertilisers to augment their crop. The chemical ingredients of fertilisers are supposed to protect the harvest against insects, which reduce the crop. The population of Germany should protest against the abuse of fertilisers and boycott the farmer's food. The government has to support the croppers to use more biological methods. T

Feedback

This report discusses three main threats to the environment and some proposals to solve these problems. In other words, the points made are entirely relevant to the question.
The main language errors are to do with vocabulary choice, so I have made some alternative suggestions, which sound more natural.

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word