Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Proposal


Task Type: Proposal

Question
You are a member of a committee that is campaigning for an international sports competition to be hosted in your home town. You have received the following memo:

To: Committee members
From: Chairman

I would be grateful if all members could write a short proposal giving their views on the following points:
  1. why our town would be a suitable host for the competition
  2. any objections to our campaign and how we can overcome them
  3. suggestions as to how we can make the best use of our budget

Write your proposal for the Chairman of the committee. (220-260 words)

Makeover: Mirei

Read Mirei's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

International Swimming Competition

Please find my proposal as follows /\ response to your memo of May 15.

1) Reasons why our town, Nihonbashi, would be suitable for the competition

Location
As our town is located in the centre of Tokyo, all the participants are able to come to our town easily by limousine bus. (Direct bus service from the airport to the Tokyo City Air Terminal)

Swimming pool
We have an excellent indoor swimming pool which have WF been built recently. It is reported as WW the largest one in Tokyo and is going to be used for the Olympic Games in the future.

2) Any objections to our campaign and how to overcome them

Objection
As this competition is one of the big international festivals to deepen mutual relationship, about 500 participants, most of them from English-speaking countries, are expected to visit our town. Therefore we have to arrange about 100 interpreters immediately. Solution We will put an advertisement on both our homepage and our local newspaper to recruit interpreters from the beginning of the - next week.

3) Suggestions as to how we can make the best use of our budget

Sightseeing
After the competition, we will arrange sightseeing tours for all the participants, chartering /\ bus for them. We will consider what kind of places will please the exhausted players in the next weekly meeting.

Accommodation
We will prepare rooms at /\ Royal Park Hotel, which is located about 2 minutes on foot from the Tokyo City Air Terminal, for all the participants.

I hope that /\ above will meet your request, PE but if you need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Feedback

This proposal is organised in a very appropriate way, with good use of headings and subheadings, which demonstrate clearly that you have answered each of the points in the task. You have also mentioned the town you are discussing and the type of competition that is being proposed - this is good.
You strive to achieve a formal register for this proposal and the language errors are mimimal (articles, spelling, etc.)
All in all, this is a very nice answer to the question!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word