'; function ShowPopup(){ if (ie3==false){ if (NewWin != null){ if (NewWin.closed == false){ NewWin.close(); } } } var today = new Date; NewName = '' + today.getTime(); NewWin = window.open('', NewName, 'toolbar=no,location=no,directories=no,status=no, menubar=no,scrollbars=yes,resizable=no,,width=300,height=200'); } function ReplaceStuff(Token, Replacement, InString){ var i = InString.indexOf(Token); var FirstBit = ''; var LastBit = ''; while (i>-1){ FirstBit = InString.substring(0, i); LastBit = InString.substring(i + Token.length, InString.length); InString = FirstBit + Replacement + LastBit; i = InString.indexOf(Token); } return InString; } function DoNothing(){} Comments = new Array(); Comments[0]='I would suggest either \'our busy way of life\' or \'the busy life we lead\'.'; Comments[1]='\'consciously\''; Comments[2]='You need an adverb here (\'quietly\' or \'peacefully\') rather than the adjective.'; Comments[3]='\'physical\''; Comments[4]='Phew! This is a bit of a long sentence. Consider breaking it up into two sentences.
\'...nature. I'; Comments[4]+='n spite of not doing as much sport, they did more physical activities than young people do today.\''; Comments[5]='rather \'than\''; Comments[6]='\'doing\' sports '; Comments[7]='I suggest saying: \'make them\' or \'result in young people being\''; Comments[8]='It sounds a bit more natural here to say \'should be able to\''; Comments[9]='\'responsibilities\' - this can be a tricky word for many people!'; Annotations = new Array(); Annotations[2]='Subject/verb agreement error'; Annotations[7]='Cut -- this text is not necessary'; Annotations[10]='Missing word or words'; Annotations[20]='Spelling'; Annotations[24]='Poor word choice'; Annotations[25]='Word form'; Annotations[28]='Good!'; function WriteFeedback(Stuff, Colour){ var Content = ''; Content += Stuff; Content += ''; var Temp = ReplaceStuff('[strFeedback]', Content, PopupCode); ShowPopup(); NewWin.document.clear(); NewWin.document.open(); NewWin.document.write(Temp); NewWin.document.close(); } function StartUp(){ } function ShowAnn(Type, Number){ if (Type==0){ WriteFeedback(Annotations[Number], NegAnnColour); } else{ WriteFeedback(Annotations[Number], PosAnnColour); } } function ShowComm(Number){ WriteFeedback(Comments[Number-1], CommColour); }

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Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: Discursive composition

Question
In your English class you have been doing a project on young people and their health in your country. Your teacher has asked you to write your response to the following statement taken from a recent newspaper article:

 

Research shows that young people today are not as healthy as they were twenty years ago. Why is this and can we do anything about it?

Write your composition for your teacher (around 120-180 words).



Rosana Marinozzi

School: Britannia School, Argentina

Nowadays, young people are prone to be less healthiier than they were twenty years ago and also to suffer from a lot of illnesses. These problems are mainly caused by the busy way of life we live {1}.

Twenty years ago, young people were healthier since, although they did not look after their health conciously {2}, they did it by eating food without additives, because they lived more quiet {3}, they spent much time in touch with nature as well as, despite not doing sports, they did more phisycal {4} activities by working than young people do now{5}.

In contrast, nowadays a lot of people give more importance to their appearance rather {***} {6} to their health. Added to this most of the time they eat fast food and also some of them are not fond of practising{7} sports so, they lead a sedentary life. All of these problems make them to be {8} unfit and unhealthy.

To conclude, young people today can{9} look after their health since there are a lot of medical treatment for curing and preventing illnesses as wel, as there is more information available than years ago. However, the responsabilities {10}, stress and the lack of time lead us to leave aside the care of our health.


Feedback

This is a full answer to the question, Rosana. You have organised this composition well and used some good connecting phrases (e.g. 'Added to this', 'To conclude', and so on) so it flows really nicely.

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary and mostly accurate grammar. For the makeover, I have concentrated on rewording slightly some of your phrases to make them sound more natural. We say 'less healthy' rather than 'less healthier' and there are also a few spelling (typing?) mistakes so be careful to proofread your writing in future in order not to leave a negative impression on the reader.
All in all, this is a good piece of work, however.

All the best for a positive FCE result!

Fiona Joseph
10.1.01

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