(Exit)

Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: Story

Question
Your English teacher has asked you to write a short story for the school magazine beginning with the words:

 

"I had never felt so nervous before in my life...!"

Write your story for the magazine (around 120-180 words).



Answer

Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Danielle

School: 'Cultura Inglesa' (English Culture)

I had never felt so nervous before as in {1} the day I was chosen by my teacher to explain something. The simple idea of talking in front of all my friends scared me. And I still had to write something in order to {***} {2}my collegues take notes.

Actually Maths wasn't a pain in the neck for me. I always preffered it to biology. In addiction {3}, being a good {***} {4} in it never demanded more than one hour per day. But this would only be true in my bedroom or in any place where it would have only few people.

Being picked on to answer a question in {5} the blackboard was always one of my biggest fears. Have {6} to face it was the other one.At that very moment I had to forget that I was a shy girl and that all my classmates were there watching me.

So I breathed deeply. Let all my expectancies {7} behind and got up. Right or wrong what I would write in that moment wouldn't make me better or worse. The pride that I always have feeded {8} with my shyness could cause me more trouble than any mistake done {9}.

In the end my answer was right, although while writing I was told that there was something that I couldn't had{10} done. I wasn't ashamed. I didn't regret my mistake. This opportunity, finally, made me discover something that I'd only realise without someone's help. By this dreadful situation I found out the real meaning of being in a classroom : share experiences.



Feedback

What an interesting story, Danielle. You successfully create a good atmosphere as you narrate the events. I liked, in particular, the way you experiment with short and more lengthy sentences.

In terms of language, you need to be careful about prepostions and verb forms, but really there are not too many serious errors in your writing.

Good luck in the Writing Paper!

Fiona Joseph
4.12.01

Exit