'; function ShowPopup(){ if (ie3==false){ if (NewWin != null){ if (NewWin.closed == false){ NewWin.close(); } } } var today = new Date; NewName = '' + today.getTime(); NewWin = window.open('', NewName, 'toolbar=no,location=no,directories=no,status=no, menubar=no,scrollbars=yes,resizable=no,,width=300,height=200'); } function ReplaceStuff(Token, Replacement, InString){ var i = InString.indexOf(Token); var FirstBit = ''; var LastBit = ''; while (i>-1){ FirstBit = InString.substring(0, i); LastBit = InString.substring(i + Token.length, InString.length); InString = FirstBit + Replacement + LastBit; i = InString.indexOf(Token); } return InString; } function DoNothing(){} Comments = new Array(); Comments[0]='I know what you\'re trying to say but this doesn\'t sound quite right. (A determinant of something cau'; Comments[0]+='ses that something to be a particular way.) You could say \'a determining factor of...\' instead.'; Comments[1]='We say a person \'works in\' a partcular business.'; Comments[2]='It should be \'... as follows:\''; Comments[3]='it'; Comments[4]='boss\'s'; Comments[5]='This expression is usually hypenated, i.e. sister-in-law.'; Comments[6]='It should be \'number of hours\' strictly speaking!'; Comments[7]='at'; Comments[8]='You can say this in two ways:
\'This is quite a common problem in busy offices\' OR
\'This is a '; Comments[8]+='problem that/which is quite common in busy offices.\''; Comments[9]='I like the way you included comments from \'real\' people. This gets the point across really well. Per'; Comments[9]+='haps you could use quotation marks to highlight these comments further.'; Comments[10]='Stress usually appears without the definite article if we are talking about stress in general.'; Comments[11]='\'behaviour\' itself isn\'t a countable noun so you don\'t need the article \'a\' here. You could say: \'Th'; Comments[11]+='is can lead to a manifestation of moody or changed behaviour...\''; Comments[12]='\'the most common ....?\' solutions? treatments? remedies?'; Comments[13]='\'Spending a weekend once in a while...\''; Comments[14]='\'such as\''; Comments[15]='\'these\' (to agree with clinics).'; Comments[16]='to'; Comments[17]='stay'; Comments[18]='It should be \'sporting activities\'.'; Comments[19]='\'release (pressure)\' is probably a better word. \'Discharge\' is used more in scientific descriptions.'; Comments[20]='The best word is \'suits\'.'; Annotations = new Array(); Annotations[3]='Article error'; Annotations[10]='Missing word or words'; Annotations[13]='Wrong or misused preposition'; Annotations[16]='Punctuation'; Annotations[20]='Spelling'; Annotations[22]='Verb form'; Annotations[24]='Poor word choice'; Annotations[25]='Word form'; Annotations[26]='Word order'; Annotations[28]='Good!'; function WriteFeedback(Stuff, Colour){ var Content = ''; Content += Stuff; Content += ''; var Temp = ReplaceStuff('[strFeedback]', Content, PopupCode); ShowPopup(); NewWin.document.clear(); NewWin.document.open(); NewWin.document.write(Temp); NewWin.document.close(); } function StartUp(){ } function ShowAnn(Type, Number){ if (Type==0){ WriteFeedback(Annotations[Number], NegAnnColour); } else{ WriteFeedback(Annotations[Number], PosAnnColour); } } function ShowComm(Number){ WriteFeedback(Comments[Number-1], CommColour); }
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Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: A leaflet

Question
You have recently finished an investigation into the causes and effects of stress in the company where you work, and you have been asked to produce a leaflet called 'Coping with Stress' for all the employees in the company based on the following questions:

 
  • What are the main causes of stress in the company?
  • What problems does stress cause?
  • What methods for coping with stress will be the most useful?
 

Write the text for your leaflet. (220-260 words)



Answer

Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Cipriano

Stress is a determinant factor {***} {1} in every company in the so called "First World". The main causes of stress can be extremely different according to the kind of business you are working {***} {2}, but in our company can be listed as follow{***} {3}:

· Despite being a big company now, {***} {4} is still a family business and I work in my office with the boss' {5} daughter and his sister in law {6}. The problem basically is that I work hard and they hardly work! What's more when they make a mistake I am to blame. Honestly {***}is really unbearable.

· The enormous amount{7} of hours I work, doing different things in {8} the same time. This is a problem quite common in busy offices{9}, when you answer the phone, type in your computer and maybe have to listen to what your boss is saying!

· Last but not least, the impression you have that your job is never well paid.{***} {10}

Also the effects of the {11} stress can be various, often according to the personality of the employees. This can lead to a {12} moody behaviour in your free time, which can dangerously affect your relationships. You could also have healthy problems, which is obviously more alarming.

Unfortunately, {***} is still impossible to say there is a cure for stress; we can summarise the most common {***} {13} as follow:

· Spending once in a while a weekend {14} in a therapy house, doing the full treatment, as to say {15} bathing in the mud, taking massages, and following a strict diet.

· If you don't trust this{16} these kind of clinics you can just go away in {17} a sunny place or even staying {18} at home, I am sure it will do.

· A lot people are very fond of sport {19} activities, consequently they practice it as soon as they get out of the office, and this could help them to discharge {20} a lot of pressure.

· Other activities concern the spiritual side, such as yoga or meditation.

· Some modern methods consist of having your office painted with relaxing colours and furnished with soft lights, even putting some plants is thought to be useful.

At this point it's up to you, chose the method which fits {21} you more and try to relax!


Feedback

This is a good attempt at the task. You answer all parts of the task (i.e. causes, effects and ways of coping with stress) but your leaflet is around 370 words, which is more than 100 words over the word limit of 250! If you were going to reduce the word count I would suggest that you leave the final section as it is - after all, the main focus of the leaflet is coping with stress - and edit the first section on the causes. I very much liked your idea of quoting from employees, but this section could be trimmed without losing the general idea.

In terms of language, there are a number of little errors in prepositions and missing subjects. Be careful with these as they may create the impression that your English is weaker than it really is, when actually you show a good command of the language particularly in your vocabulary range.

So, all in all, you need to try and stay within the word limit in the exam, and allow yourself time to proofread you work before handing it in.

Good luck - I hope you do well!

Fiona Joseph
15.11.01




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Other Answers

Nina

Copying with stress

You have constant headaches, chest pains or your close people complain that you are often irratable and unfair towards them without any reason. What is more, you look grey and unattractive, then you might be under stress. This condition is described like the state of unreasonable worry.

What are the main causes of stress in the company?

Every time when your boss is not satisfied with your work or avoid looking at you, you are forced to admit that you are a complete loser and the only wish of your boss is getting rid of you. A terrifying thought is gradually penetrating into your consiosness and grows to a tremendous size. You constantly whisper to yourself: " How will I survive without that job? What money will I feed my family on?"

But if you are boss, you might have too much responsibilities or publicity which are such a heavy burden that it is impossible for you to carry. You can't help thinking about your problems at work even when you are with your family. And they accuse you of neglecting them. "Honey,I have a lot on my plate" you say to defend yourself, but most of the time it doesn't work. You are in despair.

What makes things worse is computers. Although they are to improve conditions of work and create more free time,they can also be very harmful to our health. According to the scientists, they often cause pains in fingers, wrists, arms, backpains. Long hours work on computer damages our eyesight and leads to untimely exhaustion and ,what is most dangerous, to different mental disturbances.

How to cope with stress?

If you are an ordinary employee, take all these things with your boss easy. Don't exaggarate. Try to improve your knowledge in the field you work. Your boss will appreciate your desire to keep your breast of development.

If you are boss. Look around. Are there any who you can rely on? It would be better to put some responsibilities on one of them. Then you could have more time on your own, devote it to your close people.

Finally, no one must forget to visit the doctor at least once a year to prevent yourself from serious desease in future.

We are all in a hurry. We don't have time to stop for a minute,look around and see what a wonderful world. Don't listen to everyone who puts you down. Believe in yourself and tell yourself every day "I am the best". And no stress will hit your.


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