Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: A competition entry

You have seen the following competition entry in a magazine:



If you could have three wishes what would they be and why?

All you have to do to enter our fabulous competition is to write and tell us what three things you would wish for and why. We are offering the holiday of a lifetime to the person who writes the most amusing or original suggestions.


Write your entry for the competition. (220-260 words)


Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Elena Borzova

I've seen {1} your competition entry in a magazine and I'm very interested in taking part in this alluring{***} {2} competition. Like everybody (including Cinderella), I surely have three cherished wishes, which I want to write you about.

No wonder that{3} my first wish would be to travel around the world. I've always been fond of travelling. I reckon tourism is the most popular attraction for people. This is because only travelling could{4} give you so much experience and could leave a lot of impressions. The desire to travel results from the thirst for discovery, discovery of new people, other cultures, different countries. This is the urge that compeled the pioneers to set off to the unexplored lands. Those have ever tasted of journey{5} will never forget it.

Also, I've always wished I could be an outstanding doctor - neither more, nor less{6}. When I was thinking of this profession, I understood that there was no other one which could give you more satisfaction than curing patients who suffered. So it's obvious that working as a doctor is among the nobliest {7} profession in the world. Last year I successfully graduated from the Medical University. And now I consider this occupation as utterly labour-{8} and time-consuming. But on the other hand, everything depends on yourself.

And it's a great challenge for me to do my best to make my wish come true. I hope that by {***} {9}age of 35 I will have arrived {10}.

And finally, I wish for the most important thing in the life. Being a doctor, I mean{11} health to be of the greatest value. I wish everyone to be healthy..., healthy to be able to fulfil all your plans, to achieve all your aims and to make true everything you've always wished for{***}.


This was most enjoyable to read, Elena. Your competition entry is well-constructed and you clearly address the instructions in the task.

Your grammatical control is generally very good and you are bold in trying out more idiomatic expressions - e.g. no more, no less. I have made some suggestions on the occasions where it doesn't sound quite right, but don't let this discourage you from being more ambitious in your vocabulary use.

I hope you've passed your exam - let us know!

Fiona Joseph