(Exit)

Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: Discursive essay

Question
In your English class you have been discussing the pros and cons of different types of transport. For your homework your teacher has asked you to write a composition giving your reaction to the following statement:

 

"Cars should be banned from the centres of all major cities."

Write your composition for your teacher (around 120-180 words).

Answer
Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Victoria Cadars

School: IATEL

Moving to {1} different parts of our city by car is often the nightmare of many inhabitants.{2} However, in reality it has both advantages and disadvantages.{***}

There are many pros to driving a car. First of all, it is one of the cheapest means of transport. In addition to this, if it run out of {3} fuel, it is easy to find a near {4} gas station. A further advantage is that you do not have to waste many{5} time at the bus stop when you need to go somewhere.

In contrast, there are certain drawbacks. Firstly, it can be dangerous to drive during the rush hour because you can crash. Moreover, you may arrive late at work if you get stuck in traffic for several hours.

In conclusion, it can be seen that although we consider our car as a big {6} {***} solution, sometimes it makes us to get in troubles.{7}

{8}


Feedback

The greatest strength of this composition is in terms of the organisation, Victoria. You use paragraphs to good effect and within each paragraph you have an excellent range of connecting phrases (e.g. in addition to this..., a further advantage..., etc.)

I would advise you to add another sentence or two to your conclusion to tell the reader whether you think cars should be banned or not. You could also mention the topic earlier on by saying, for example: "Many people believe that cars should be banned from city centres but let's not forget that there are many pros to driving a car."

On the whole, however, this is a very nice answer. Well done!

Best wishes
Fiona Joseph
3.9.01

Exit