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Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: A memo

Question
You have been informed that the company you work for is going to close down its sport and leisure club in order to save costs. You have organised a meeting with your colleagues to discuss the matter and the following points were made:

 

1. The club is used by most employees after work and it brings a lot of benefits.
2. The management should reconsider its decision and consider alternatives.
Action: write a memo to the Managing Director on behalf of employees explaining our views and asking for a change of mind.

 

Write your memo to the Managing Director. (220-260 words)



Answer

Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay.

Name: Dorota

School: English Centre

To: Managing Director

From: Staff Representative

Re: Decision on closing our leisure centre{1}

I am writing on behalf of my colleagues to express our concern about your decision to close our fitness club and we would like to share with you our opinions on this matter.

As you know very well, many of us go to this club regularlly {2}. We take adavantage of its wonderful facilities, ranging from {***} swimming pool to {***} sauna.{3} The club location is very convenient for emploees {4} bacause we do not waste time commuting there since this centre is very close to our work place. Furthermore, this leisure centre seems to be an ideal place for realxing after a hard day at work. You cannot deny that general health is closely connected with work efficiency{5}.

In addition to have {6} these sports amenities we can also enjoy eating at the small restaurant which belongs to this complex. The food there is healthy and reasonably priced so many employees choose eating {7} there instead of cooking at home.

We appreciate that there is a real need to decrease costs. However, closing the club is not the only solution available. We encourage you to find another ways{8} of saving money. Perhaps some of us would accept a slightly {9} increase in prices of {10} using these amenities, of course with reduced rates.

Taking everything into account, we would be grateful if you could reconsider your decision. We are convinced that retaining this club would be beneficial both for all employees and {***} {11}work performance.


Feedback

Well done, Dorota. I thought this was a very good answer. The layout, organisation and style/tone of this memo is just right, and you state your points in a calm but persuasive manner - highly appropriate for the MD!

There are some minor errors with:
1. Spelling (or just typing) errors.
2. Verb and word forms. Again, I'm sure that with careful checking you will be able to spot these mistakes and correct them before you hand in your Writing Paper.

Good work, Dorota, and best of luck in the exam. Let me know how you get on!

Fiona Joseph
7.12.00

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