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Writing
Paper: Part 2 Question
Write your memo to the Managing Director. (about 250 words)
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Answer Click on the underlined words or phrases for comments. The numbers in brackets offer suggestions. General feedback appears below the essay. |
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Name: Dorota
School: English Centre Re: Decision on closing our leisure centre{1} As you know very well, many of us go to this club regularlly {2}. We take adavantage of its wonderful facilities, ranging from {***} swimming pool to {***} sauna.{3} The club location is very convenient for emploees {4} bacause we do not waste time commuting there since this centre is very close to our work place. Furthermore, this leisure centre seems to be an ideal place for realxing after a hard day at work. You cannot deny that general health is closely connected with work efficiency{5}. In addition to have {6} these sports amenities we can also enjoy eating at the small restaurant which belongs to this complex. The food there is healthy and reasonably priced so many employees choose eating {7} there instead of cooking at home. We appreciate that there is a real need to decrease costs. However, closing the club is not the only solution available. We encourage you to find another ways{8} of saving money. Perhaps some of us would accept a slightly {9} increase in prices of {10} using these amenities, of course with reduced rates. Taking everything into account, we would be grateful if you could reconsider your decision. We are convinced that retaining this club would be beneficial both for all employees and {***} {11}work performance. |
| Feedback Well done, Dorota. I thought this was a very good answer. The layout, organisation and style/tone of this memo is just right, and you state your points in a calm but persuasive manner - highly appropriate for the MD! There are some minor errors with: 1. Spelling (or just typing) errors. 2. Verb and word forms. Again, I'm sure that with careful checking you will be able to spot these mistakes and correct them before you hand in your Writing Paper. Good work, Dorota, and best of luck in the exam. Let me know how you get on! Fiona Joseph 7.12.00 |
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