Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Essay


Task Type: Essay

Question
You class has watched a documentary about the need for nations to fund space exploration. You have made the notes below:

Advantages of spending public money on space exploration:

  • countries work together to further our understanding of the universe
  • we may discover raw materials.
  • possible new living space for the world's growing population.

Some opinions expressed in the documentary:

  • It's human nature to want to understand where we come from.
  • We should stop exploiting natural resources.
  • The world's growing population needs further space to live.

Write an essay discussing TWO of the advantages given for space exploration in your notes You should explain which reason is most important, giving reasons in support of your answer.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the documentary, but you should use your own words as far as possible. (around 220-260 words)

Makeover: Elena

Read Elena's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

Funding the space exploration and its priorities -

For many years, people had a dream about space voyages. Such significant events as the first human space flight, /\ first step on the surface of the moon and /\ first hug of the participants of the International Soyuz-Apollo space mission, have become milestones in the history of space exploration. It was a major breakthrough for science and now we can’t imagine our life without modern communication facilities such as satellite television or broadcasting systems.

Nowadays, the International Space Station has become the main platform for scientific discoveries and the science lab where scientists from many countries do their collaborative work. It is not only the celestial bodies that are being observed by an international body of scientists but also experiments. For many scientists the only place where exact results could be achieved is this space laboratory. Without a doubt, this is the question WW of vital importance for physicists, microbiologists and other experts on WW natural sciences.

One of the greatest advantages of the International Space Station is that it accepts space tourists. A few space travelers have already been there. This fact draws our attention to another benefit of space exploration. It is the strong possibility of life in space, which we have seen before in science fiction movies, where people did interstellar trips taking space crafts like we take trains, buses or taxis. While it is true that people need more space for living, we shouldn’t forget that the main problem is unequal density of population on our planet. Some regions are very overcrowded whereas the - other WF are almost deserted or spoiled by the negative activity of people.

Having weighted WF both sides of this issue, it is important to know how to rectify the situation with the WW environmental problems. /\ one of the main risks of investing money in finding additional living space for people is that we can’t afford this funding, it is too expensive for us now. Therefore we should focus on scientific researches WF in space to further our knowledge about the universe and the elements. We also should study the influence of these elements on our planet and be aware of how to make our life on our wonderful blue planet better.

Feedback

This is a good essay, Elena. You have answered the question fully, organised your ideas clearly and written in an appropriate semi-formal style. Your use of English is very accurate and you’ve used some excellent vocabulary and sentence constructions.

I would be careful of going too far over the word limit. 20, 30, 40 words is no problem but at 365 words this was 100 words over. Examiners wouldn’t necessarily penalise this but one of the things you’re being assessed on is being able to organise your thoughts in such a way that you are able to keep to the word limit, more or less. Having said that, the main thing is that what you write is completely appropriate to the task and what you’ve written here is - but do try to keep closer to the word limit.

Well done!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word

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