Flo-Joe for Cambridge English Exams

Cambridge English: Advanced

Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CAE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback

Writing Class: Proposal


Task Type: Proposal

Question
You are a member of a committee that is campaigning for an international sports competition to be hosted in your home town. You have received the following memo:

To: Committee members
From: Chairman

I would be grateful if all members could write a short proposal giving their views on the following points:
  1. why our town would be a suitable host for the competition
  2. any objections to our campaign and how we can overcome them
  3. suggestions as to how we can make the best use of our budget

Write your proposal for the Chairman of the committee. (220-260 words)

Makeover: Martina

Read Martina's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.

INTERNATIONAL SOCCER COMPETITION IN LIBOCHOVICE

The aim of this proposal is to show a view of holding PE an international soccer competition (under 18) in our town which should be taking place next summer from 1 August till 16th August. Around 20 soccer teams from all over Europe has WF signed up. Gd

ADVANTAGES

Libochovice has a brand new soccer field with 5000 seats. Sport events could also be spread to the nearby villages as they are not far (usually within 5 km), they are in good condition and they will be available for this event as /\ mayors have promised.

The town is reachable by busses and trains. WF Extra links will be add WF to the normal time-tables.

There are plenty of restaurants, pubs, a cinema and a leisure centre which offers plenty to do in the evenings. There will be a fun fair taking place in WW this time as /\ every year.

OBSTACLES

There are not many places offering accommodation in the town. So there would be a free shuttle available from the closest surrounding lodging places. Gd

BUDGET

The city council is able to organise such a challenging competition, as there have been WW collected enough money from sponsors. Some of the money will be spend for WF/WW a special daytime social programme, which will be draw WF up for delegates and their children and also for the presentation of our town, for example, redecorating some of the attractive buildings and improving city centre look. WO

To sum up Libochovice as it appears could manage such an event due to a good organisation and if they stick up to their planning. Gd/PE

Feedback

Martina, this proposal is very clearly organised, appropriately laid out and all the points you make are valid. It would therefore score highly on task achievement.
There are some language errors but I suspect some of these are simply slips of the key and not down to a lack of knowledge (e.g. passive verb forms - be drawN up, will be spenT). It's really important to proofread your work in the exam, simply so you don't lose marks unnecessarily.
Overall, this is a good answer!

 

Marking Code

/\ Word(s) missing

- Omit word

C Capitalization

Gd Good

O Organisation

P Punctuation

PE Poorly expressed

R Register/Formality

SS Sentence Structure

S Spelling

T Tip (Not wrong but a suggestion)

WF Wrong form

WO Word order

WT Wrong tense

WW Wrong word